


(will you) let me heal you

by Jenfly



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional, Feelings, Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Has Feelings, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Talks About Feelings, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Jaskier | Dandelion Loves Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion Whump, M/M, Post-Episode: S01E06 Rare Species, Romance, both might be slightly ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:07:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23578138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenfly/pseuds/Jenfly
Summary: There was nothing but honesty, pure, unconditional love in Jaskier’s eyes, his sweetening scent just highlighting it, and Geralt could feel the protective walls around him crumbling, the pieces falling to the ground fast, shattering and turning to dust.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 9
Kudos: 297





	(will you) let me heal you

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write about these two idiots again and of course, I had to make my version of the aftermath of the scene that broke our hearts in the ep 6. This got way longer than I had planned and is probably a mess, but hell, I still enjoyed writing this. The idea of 'angst with a happy ending' came from my dear friend, @mephisto92 (tumblr). 💕
> 
> And for a reminder, English is still not my native language, this is not beta-read, so all mistakes are mine. Also, I'm so bad at titles. 😬 Hope you enjoy!

Jaskier had finished his set of playing at an inn a while ago, taken the earned coins and gone to get himself an ale. Despite the people being in a generous mood, he was feeling exhausted and under the weather, hurt. It had been months since that mountain incident and he still had no idea know what to do. He was lost, like a part of him was somewhere far away. This hollow ache in his chest was an unfortunate reminder of what was missing and it hadn’t lessened during the past months.

Ale might have numbed everything temporarily but in the morning he had become painfully aware of the truth again. He was miserable and he knew people saw that but to his relief, most of them were surprisingly kind enough not to say anything about it. There were whispers, curious, worried and even pitiful glances directed at him everywhere he had stopped on his path and he had learned to ignore them.

He let out a long sigh, his gaze fixed on the ale before him, mind full of everything and nothing. The memories of what used to be haunted him like a plague, bringing up the painful moment at the mountain, the words that hurt him like a dagger cutting his heart. But even though they had hurt him deeply, turning and leaving had been the hardest, most painful part. With every step he had taken further away from Geralt, he had felt parts of him being torn away, pieces of his heart scattered along the path he had left behind.

And yet, he hadn’t turned back. 

He hadn’t been able to stay – it would have been too hard to stay knowing that he was just being a burden to Geralt. He had given everything he had to give during the years they had been traveling around the continent and somewhere along the way he had laid out his heart, the most precious of things one could give to another.

He loved so much, so freely, unconditionally, and while it was the easiest thing for him to do, it also came with downsides. Heartbreak wasn’t that knew for him – his heart had taken blows over the years but those times had been different. Completely different. This time he wasn’t so sure if the damage could be mended if the wounds could be stitched and healed.

The sudden silence made Jaskier leave his thoughts and look slowly up, only to see a certain witcher walk into the tavern, followed by another person. Jaskier’s breath caught in his throat, something in his chest clenching uncomfortably as he stared at Geralt. The witcher exchanged a few words with the innkeeper and passed the coins to her, turning then to look around and Jaskier’s heart missed a beat or two when those amber eyes met his own.

The moment seemed to last forever and still end too soon – eventually Geralt turned to the young person, and Jaskier sighed, heart heavy in his chest as he slowly drank the rest of his ale, standing then up. He had time to take only a few steps towards the stairs that lead to the rooms when Geralt’s voice reached his ears and he stopped in his tracks.

”Jaskier.”

Slowly, Jaskier turned to Geralt, clenching his fist to keep his emotions at bay.

”Geralt,” he said as steadily as he could. The witcher frowned, the look in his eyes softer than usual, the amber color holding a sliver of worry in.

”You look…” Geralt started but cut off, letting his gaze take in Jaskier’s appearance. Jaskier shifted, something twisting and flaming within him. The tears were threatening to come but Jaskier did everything he could to hold them back.

”Fine. I’m fine,” he said, though his voice betrayed him with a slight crack at the end. Something flashed in Geralt’s eyes but Jaskier couldn’t quite place it.

”No.”

Geralt’s voice was low and quiet, his tone not accusing or anything like that. The ache in Jaskier’s heart intensified and he shook his head, tears burning in his eyes.

”No, Geralt, I can’t do this right now.”

Jaskier turned around and took a few steps up before Geralt’s voice stopped him again.

”I’m sorry.”

It was like a hard tuck at his heart and Jaskier couldn’t hold the tears anymore, a tiny sob escaping from between his lips.

”Not now, Geralt,” he huffed brokenly and walked away without sparing another look at the witcher.

Somewhere deep within there was the tiniest spark of hope that Geralt would follow him but he didn’t allow himself to hang onto it. As soon as he got to his room, the door closing behind him, he leaned against it, taking a shaking breath in and wiping the tears away.

He was such a fool.

A fool hopelessly in love.

* * *

Geralt looked after Jaskier as he made his way up the stairs, feeling something sink within him, chest feeling just a bit tighter. The air reeked of hurt, sadness and it was crushing him – having seen Jaskier so hurt was too much. And knowing that he was the reason for that, made the guilt dwell on the storming waves inside him. It had been months and not a day had gone by he wouldn’t have regretted the words he had said to Jaskier on the mountain.

”Geralt?” a soft voice pulled Geralt out of his thoughts and he turned to look at Ciri. She had a few lines of worry on her forehead, bright eyes looking up at him with curiosity. 

Geralt sighed.

”Go to your room, I’ll go ask them to bring the food there.”

Ciri nodded, a hint of smile on her lips. ”You’re going to talk to him?”

Geralt hummed and Ciri’s smile widened before she walked past him and went upstairs. Geralt looked after her, shook his head slightly and went then to inform the barmaid about the food. As soon as he had made sure Ciri was settled in the room, he went to look for Jaskier.

It wasn’t hard to find the bard’s room as the smell of hurt was so strong only at one door and he could hear sobbing the other side of it. He closed his eyes, his chest tightening even more as guilt was stabbing his heart. He clenched his fists, taking a few deep breaths before opening his eyes.

”Jaskier...”

The sound Jaskier let out the other side of the door was sharp, so utterly sad that Geralt wanted nothing more than barge in and close him to an embrace. But he didn’t, even though he easily could have. He waited for Jaskier’s move – for a while, there weren’t any changes behind the door and he thought Jaskier wouldn’t open the door.

But he did eventually.

Their eyes met briefly and Geralt was the first to look away. 

”Come in,” Jaskier said quietly, his voice raw due to crying. Geralt stepped inside, his senses filling with the smell of sadness, despair, and anger. Jaskier closed the door, moving then close to the bed and sat down. Guilt gnawed Geralt’s insides as he looked at the bard, the urge to go to comfort him, hold him, growing rapidly.

”I’m sorry,” he said, not knowing how else to start. Jaskier didn’t say anything, just gave the slightest nod, and Geralt knew those words weren’t enough. Of course, they weren’t enough. Jaskier needed more than that – deserved more than that. And even though Geralt wasn’t good with words he had to try.

”I never meant what I said. I was angry and...” he cut off, taking a few steps towards Jaskier.

”Took it out on me,” Jaskier finished for him, his voice wavering. 

”I never should have done it.”

Jaskier huffed, standing then up and walking to Geralt, his expression reflecting his anger and anguish.

”But you did. And it sounded like you meant it. For years… For years I followed you around the continent and I thought that we were friends, that you actually wanted me around, that you cared for me but I guess it was only a desperate hope my heart made up.”

Geralt made a noise that could have described pained. 

”Jaskier...” 

If his voice gained a desperate tone, he couldn’t care less at that moment.

”I care. You don’t even know how–”

”No, I really don’t have a clue as you have a really funny way of showing it,” Jaskier interrupted him, poking him in the chest, his blue eyes flashing warningly. Geralt blinked, his senses flooded by the emotions radiating from Jaskier and before he even realized it, his hands were on both sides of Jaskier’s face.

For a moment Geralt feared that he had scared the bard but as his smell gave off sweeter nuance, Geralt knew that he wasn’t scared. Of course, he wasn’t – he had never been. Their eyes locked with one another, and gently, Geralt caressed Jaskier’s tear-stained cheeks with his thumbs, his chest burning of feelings he had kept locked inside for so long.

”You know I’m not good with words,” he started and Jaskier let out a quiet snort. ”But I’m trying.”

Geralt paused for a moment, trying to look for the right words, the ones that itched his throat, that wanted to be let out.

”I… I’ve never needed anyone in my life or wanted anyone to need me but you… You’re different, Jaskier. And I… I tried so hard to fight against the feeling that slowly started to grow within me but in the end, I lost that battle. You know people say witchers don’t feel?”

Jaskier nodded.

”We do feel but we learn to control our emotions because our lives are full of danger and we can’t let them distract us. That’s why I’m… scared. Because you make me feel so much and I can’t control it.”

Jaskier’s eyes widened, the blue color changing softer as he looked at Geralt and Geralt’s heart betrayed him by fluttering, gentle warmth consuming him from within. He could feel his defenses weakening, slowly crumbling down, and he leaned in to rest his forehead against Jaskier’s, closing his eyes. Jaskier allowed it, releasing a shaky breath while Geralt inhaled his scent.

It was intoxicating and Geralt needed to be careful not to let it pull him too deep. He couldn’t let it take hold of him – he didn’t want to cross any lines, not now as Jaskier allowed him to be so close.

”I want you with me, as my companion, friend but also… more than that. I need you, Jaskier, more than I’ve ever needed anyone,” Geralt spoke softly, his tone gaining desperation he hadn’t even realized feeling. ”You make me better, you make me feel like I’m worthy of… love.”

Jaskier’s sniffled and Geralt opened his eyes, pulling back just to see fresh tears falling down Jaskier’s cheeks. The blue shade of his eyes was glinting like sun rays hitting the surface of the water, emotions floating in the calm waves. Carefully, he wiped the tears away, Jaskier’s eyes fluttering as he leaned just a bit more against his touch.

And then, after a while of silence, Jaskier finally spoke.

”You’re worthy of it – you deserve it. I know you’re not what people think you are – what you think you are. And no matter how hard you’ve tried to make it, loving you is the easiest thing in this world.”

There was nothing but honesty, pure, unconditional love in Jaskier’s eyes, his sweetening scent just highlighting it, and Geralt could feel the protective walls around him crumbling, the pieces falling to the ground fast, shattering and turning to dust.

”No, I don’t deserve you. But I can’t let you go anymore, I can’t keep myself away from you,” Geralt said, his voice barely louder than a whisper, wiping away the new tears that fell from Jaskier’s eyes. ”I hurt you badly and I can’t live with myself if I don’t try to mend the damage I’ve caused. I’ll show you how much I care, every day from now on if you only let me.”

Jaskier’s lips curved into a small, soft smile, the look in his eyes changing to a slightly baffled one.

”I’ve never heard you talk this much in all the years I’ve known you,” he said, his voice sounding now much lighter as he raised his hand onto Geralt’s forehead. ”Are you sure there isn’t some potion or spell making you act like this?”

Geralt let out a little laugh, rolling his eyes.

”There isn’t. What is between us, is the only thing in my life that isn’t affected by magic.”

Jaskier’s smile widened, his eyes brightening as the tears stopped falling, and Geralt felt his breathing getting easier, the weight of guilt lessening on his heart. Jaskier dropped his hand onto his chest, running it over the hard leather covering it, the wolf medallion resting on top of it.

”And this, you talking more, is one part of trying to fix the damage?”

Geralt offered Jaskier a tiny smile, nodding.

”I like it,” Jaskier grinned. ”Though I like the old, grumpy, less-talking Geralt, too.”

Geralt hummed amused and Jaskier shoved him lightly on the chest, the move making Geralt laugh a little again. It only seemed to lighten up Jaskier more, his scent full of sweetness, relief, and hope, and Geralt allowed himself to bathe in that moment, in the feeling it had awaken within him. The feeling he wasn’t going to lock away anymore.

”Jaskier,” Geralt said with a serious yet soft tone, and run his fingertips along the side of Jaskier’s face. ”I’m yours if you’ll have me.”

He looked mesmerized how Jaskier’s smile turned brighter than the sun, the shade of blue in his eyes clearer than a calm sea.

”Of course, I’ll have you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted – to have you,” Jaskier whispered, laying a piece of his heart on the palm of Geralt’s hand with slight caution. ”However, it will take some time for all to be healed but this is a good start.”

Smiling a little, Geralt let his hand fall from Jaskier’s face, and Jaskier immediately stepped closer, his arms finding their way around Geralt’s middle and Geralt closed him into an embrace. He pressed his face into Jaskier’s hair, inhaling slowly, the beat of his heart telling a tale he knew Jaskier would love to make a song of.

He was home.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments will be highly appreciated. 💕


End file.
